Mara,

Hi I wanted to offer you my encouragement and advice. This is just my two cents but this is what I have learned.

In the fall of 2002 I went on the protocol. I was the protocol for 6 months then I started pumping in April of 2003. I started out pumping 8 to 10 times a day then 8 times then 6 times a day or seven. I pumped for a little longer than 10 months. Towards the end I was only pumping 3 to 4 times a day. I never reached a full supply but then again it was really hard to pump every 2 to three hours. I also have a husband and a very active little boy who is now three. My son would often get into things and get into trouble when I pumped. Often I would stop because I needed to tend to him. If your children are beyond toddler age it should be easier for you. My boy is very unique and very active.

I was so anxiuos to try the protocol and see if I could produce milk. I thought thought thought that I would go on the protocol, pump for a while and then our baby would come. We were approved in March of 2003 and still no baby. We were very open as to race and other things and still no baby. We had two close calls in January but they did not work out. Both of them happened within weeks of each other, so it was pretty devastating. After these situations not working out both me and my family were wiped out. The pumping was taking a toll on me, my son and my husband. I knew at this point it was time to stop, so I did. Their are no indications that a placement is going to happen any time soon for us. In fact we get the impression from our caseworker that it could be another 6 months to a year or longer for us. So given this information stopping was the right thing for me. It saddened me to stop but it was right.

Please consider the impact that pumping will have on you and your family if a placement does not happen in a timely manner for you. Maybe though you are working with an agency that has some sort of time frame for you. I thought that things would go different for us.

Also please consider the impact that it is going to have on you. You are going to go through a chemical pregnacy and when you are done with it your body is going to want a baby so bad you can taste it. Your breasts are going to ache to nurse your baby. I pumped for 10 months and still I just wanted to nurse my baby. I think too because of the hormones much of my thougths went into thinking about my baby. That is a good thing, but if that baby does not come it can be very depressing. It was like there was a baby in my mind but I could not find my way to them. That's how much I thought about it.

I am not trying to make anyone upset or angry. This is my perspective and my experience. I think that the protocol is a wonderful thing. And if in a future adoption we have some sort of time frame I will do it again. You need to look at yourself and decide what you want to do. I am grateful for the freezer full of milk that I have. I hope that it is still good when our baby finally comes.

When my baby does come I will nurse it. If there is enough time I will do the accelerated protocol. If not I will simply start will domperidone and pumping when we know something concrete. I am hopeful that because of the protocol and pumping that it will help me next time around. I still have milk even though I am only pumping once or twice a week. There have been times when I have needed to pump to relieve myself. Sometimes I will hand express just a little and I am still getting squirts of milk. I have been told that it will take a while to dry up the milk. I was depressed because of all that happened but now I am happy. My focus has gone from pumping and thinking about a baby much of the time to my son. I am truely enjoying my little sunshine and the things that he does. It's like I am rediscovering the miracle right in front of my eyes. This fresh perspective has helped me to move past the the loses. Loses in not pumping and in the adoptions that did not happen for us.

Do what you feel is right. Please though consider the what if's. I think when I first started out I was too scared to consider the what if's. The protocol is great it works. For me though adoption wise things have not been a fairly tale. For those who have a surrogate or who have an idea of when a baby will come it is ideal. Also please consider waiting to go on the protocol until you are approved or you have been waiting a little while. This could mean less time pumping but that is not such a bad thing. Pumping for an unlimited time can get old. Think about yourself and your family then go and make a decision.

Hope this helps,
Bella