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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 41 CO
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Hello.
Maybe this isn't the right forum to share this. Our baby tested positive for cocaine and methadone. We didn't know about any drug use. Birthmom was so convincing and deceptive. She said she cared so much about this baby that she wasn't doing an amnio because she didn't want to hurt the fetus. She has lied so much that I can't believe she is going to follow-through with the adoption. The court hearing is next Tuesday and she can change her mind up until then and even until the order is entered into the court document. We have had our baby since birth - August 23.
I have been nursing, using the Lact-Aid and pumping around the clock I am having a really hard time emotionally bonding with the baby. I am very frustrated with nursing and think I need to supplement some of my feedings with a bottle. I hope once the court hearing is behind us and we can get our baby tested for HIV and some other critical tests now that we know his exposure, I can start bonding. I know it's not fair for the baby as he really needs the connection of breastfeeding and a mom who is close to him but I think if I can use a bottle for some of his feedings and give myself a little break, it will help me emotionally....at least until the court hearing is behind us.
Jill
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 181 Cochabamba, Bolivia
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 181 Cochabamba, Bolivia |
Jill,
I am so sorry.
Of course you are experiencing difficulties with your emotions. It is so hard to hope and fear at the same time. You can still bond with your son with a bottle. Don't feel guilty if you choose to do that. It's about LOVE and making the best choices for your family. There should be NO pressure from having to breast feed. Maybe even giving your husband more opportunity to bond with your son, by feeding him would help you as well.
I hope you don't mind but I will be praying for you and for this situation. I believe ALL children are a gift from God and that he will give you the courage and strength to do what is right.
Linda
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 675 Illinois
extra helpful experienced member
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extra helpful experienced member
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 675 Illinois |
Jill,
I am sorry you are in this situation. We adopted recently (4 weeks ago) and we had to wait 5 days for the papers to be signed. I told my husband that it was hard for me to bond with the baby before that time, because I had to protect my heart a little. And we didn't even have any bad signs. Do what you need to do.
It was hard for me not to bond and I did already love her before the 5 days were up, but I still had that shield up a little. Once the papers were signed, I was really ready to love her totally. This was so different from our first daughters adoption. Then we were placed with her when she was 2 days old and the papers had already been signed. I loved her immediately.
I never used a lactaid. I just bf first, then my husband supplemented with a bottle while I pumped. I was able to go ebf by around 3 weeks (it is a little bit of a leap of faith to stop supplementing).
I will also keep you in my prayers. Let us know how it all works out.
Jennifer
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 41 CO
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Posts: 41 CO |
Thanks to all for your support!
Jennifer, what is ebf? How much milk were you pumping before your baby arrived? How many times a day were you pumping after baby arrived and for how long? How much would you get when you pumped? Initially how long were your nursing sessions?
I ask because our little guy will nurse for an hour and then I will pump and then he will want to eat in another half hour. I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't pump so that I have enough milk for him each time I nurse which some days is about every 1.5 to 2 hours.
Update: We brought our baby to our home State and that has helped tremendously. Court hearing is this Tuesday and we are keeping our fingers crossed that all goes well.
Jill
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 675 Illinois
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Posts: 675 Illinois |
ebf = exclusively breast fed.
I was pumping about 3-4 oz a day when she arrived. I was pumping about 6 times a day and not at night until she arrived. After she arrived I pumped after every nursing session (about 7-8 times a day). I pumped for 10 minutes if I nursed first and 20 minutes if I didn't nurse first. I would get about 1/4-1/2 oz after nursing. My nursing sessions were about 45 minutes. Then my husband would bottle feed while I pumped.
My goal was to pump almost every time I supplemented. I didn't have to supplement during the middle of the night and first thing in the morning after a couple days.
Now that she is 1 month old and is ebf, I am only pumping before bed, and in the middle of the night. I would pump first thing in the morning, but don't have time with my other kids. Some days I don't pump at all.
Good luck Tuesday!
Jennifer
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 45
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Jill, I wish you luck today at the court hearing.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 41 CO
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Update: Everything is official and final! We have our son and the order is irrevocable and irreversible! We are so relieved and happy. My mood and mindset has definitely shifted!
Jill
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 181 Cochabamba, Bolivia
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 181 Cochabamba, Bolivia |
Jill,
wahoooooooooooo! I am so happy for you and your son. Our adoption process took 21 months and when we finally read the word irrevocable, we cried.
Delight in your son~
: )
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 45
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 45 |
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 675 Illinois
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Posts: 675 Illinois |
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