Jill,
I am sorry you are in this situation. We adopted recently (4 weeks ago) and we had to wait 5 days for the papers to be signed. I told my husband that it was hard for me to bond with the baby before that time, because I had to protect my heart a little. And we didn't even have any bad signs. Do what you need to do.

It was hard for me not to bond and I did already love her before the 5 days were up, but I still had that shield up a little. Once the papers were signed, I was really ready to love her totally. This was so different from our first daughters adoption. Then we were placed with her when she was 2 days old and the papers had already been signed. I loved her immediately.

I never used a lactaid. I just bf first, then my husband supplemented with a bottle while I pumped. I was able to go ebf by around 3 weeks (it is a little bit of a leap of faith to stop supplementing).

I will also keep you in my prayers. Let us know how it all works out.

Jennifer

Thanks to all for your support!

Jennifer, what is ebf? How much milk were you pumping before your baby arrived? How many times a day were you pumping after baby arrived and for how long? How much would you get when you pumped? Initially how long were your nursing sessions?

I ask because our little guy will nurse for an hour and then I will pump and then he will want to eat in another half hour. I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't pump so that I have enough milk for him each time I nurse which some days is about every 1.5 to 2 hours.

Update: We brought our baby to our home State and that has helped tremendously. Court hearing is this Tuesday and we are keeping our fingers crossed that all goes well.

ebf = exclusively breast fed.

I was pumping about 3-4 oz a day when she arrived. I was pumping about 6 times a day and not at night until she arrived. After she arrived I pumped after every nursing session (about 7-8 times a day). I pumped for 10 minutes if I nursed first and 20 minutes if I didn't nurse first. I would get about 1/4-1/2 oz after nursing. My nursing sessions were about 45 minutes. Then my husband would bottle feed while I pumped.

My goal was to pump almost every time I supplemented. I didn't have to supplement during the middle of the night and first thing in the morning after a couple days.

Now that she is 1 month old and is ebf, I am only pumping before bed, and in the middle of the night. I would pump first thing in the morning, but don't have time with my other kids. Some days I don't pump at all.

Good luck Tuesday!
Jennifer

Jill, I wish you luck today at the court hearing.

Update: Everything is official and final! We have our son and the order is irrevocable and irreversible! We are so relieved and happy. My mood and mindset has definitely shifted!

Jill,
wahoooooooooooo! I am so happy for you and your son. Our adoption process took 21 months and when we finally read the word irrevocable, we cried.

Delight in your son~
: )

Congrats Jill

Congratulations!
Jennifer

Congratulation to the whole family!!

That is wonderful! In reading down this thread, I was a little worried until I got to your last post! We had one potential birth mom who turned out to have done tons of lying, too. Unfortunately, in our case, she took the baby back, after I'd had her for 24 hours. I wouldn't have shared that with you before you knew if your birth mom was going to relinquish, but I can now!

How is nursing going? I am sure you know that babies who are high risk for developmental delays (such as drug exposed babies) benefit even more from attachment parenting techniques, including breastfeeding (not just milk, but nurturing at the breast), babywearing, co-sleeping, etc.

I adopted two babies who were high risk. The first, I got at 15 days old. He'd been born lethargic, after a shoulder dystocia, and then had both of his lungs collapsed by the efforts made to revive him. It was a Sunday afternoon in a small hospital in rural Germany. By the time a ped got there and figured out that his lungs had both been collapsed, it had been almost half an hour. They didn't think he would make it through the first night, but he did. He recovered, but the likelihood of brain damage was high. That made me more determined to establish a long-term breastfeeding relationship with him. After one week of nursing him, on demand, with the Lact-Aid, he was focusing on my face and smiling (he was soon smiling at everyone, but it was just me, to start with)! He went on to amaze the doctors who were following his progress, by being advanced in his development. He is now 21 and the father of my beautiful granddaughter!

Then, I got a baby who all ready had significant developmental delays, and antisocial behaviors, at six months old. She'd been born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia and had parents who retained custody, for four months, but didn't even visit her in the hospital. At placement, she was in pretty bad shape, physically and emotionally, weighed only nine pounds, and was being fed mostly through a gastrostomy. We were strongly cautioned against assuming that she would be normal. I took it as a challenge, as well as an honor, to be able to adopt her. I focused on getting her attached to me, partly through the use of a front pack. It took months of creativity and patience, but I eventually got her nursing, which she did until she was about 25 months old. She is now 19 and a brilliant photographer and graphic artist!

I don't think your son's drug exposure makes him nearly as high risk for problems as my two, but I just wanted to illustrate the fact that breastfeeding is the best thing, even more, for kids who are high risk. I have found that, as a mother, there aren't many times that you can be totally certain that you are doing the best thing. Breastfeeding is one case in which you can!

I suggest that you focus on nursing with the Lact-Aid. Pumping between times is OK, as long as it is not adding stress or preventing you from getting rest, but I wouldn't sacrifice nursing in favor of pumping. You can also pump the opposite side while you are nursing, if you want to. If he is taking the supplement from the Lact-Aid and milk from the breast, he probably doesn't need bottles. If an occasional bottle takes some stress off of you, that is fine. I used to allow myself one four ounce bottle per day. Some days I used it and others I didn't.

I hope everything is going great and that you are enjoying your son!

Darillyn

Thanks Darillyn and everyone for your encouragement and support.

Glad to hear things are going better for you GOod luck with your nursing! It is definately challenging and VERY time consuming at first but after about 6 wks, things should settle down!