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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 8
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OP
newbie
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 8 |
Hello everyone. I have been reading all the post for almost a year, just posted only a couple of times. I just delivered my first surro son on the 4th of Jan. He was beautiful, and the IP's went nuts and refused to let me see him after birth. Since most of you are IP's maybe you could enlighten me on the reasons for them doing this. I was a gestational surrogate and the baby was from a donor egg and intended fathers sperm. I have no idea what happened. the morning of his birth they were in my room, talking to me and laughing and joking, the the baby was born via c-section and they <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> wouldnt take my calls, the baby roomed in with them the entire time and when I walked down to their roon the next day, the intended mother came into the hallway shuting the door behind her so I couldnt even see the baby. Now even they wont take my calls or e-mails. Why do they feel so threatened by me?
Becky
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 61 British Columbia, Canada
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 61 British Columbia, Canada |
I don't know what the hell is wrong with them, but they are obviously extremely insecure!
If you are working through an agency, definitely make a report about their behaviour. If not, can you write them a letter, saying you're happy for them but feel very unrespected for the enormous role you played in their son's arrival?
Some adoptive parents act like this too, and I can tell you it's out of fear of the unknown, but that doesn't make it acceptable. It's a red flag that they might not be honest with others or even their child about how he/she joined their family.
You are a fabulous selfless woman who has blessed their lives. And I'm so sad for you that you've been so rudely treated. I'm sure your hormones could do without it, and I apologize on their behalf!
Kerri
Mama to Cole, Naomi, Adam, and baby Noah
All wide-open adoptions through LDS Familiy Services
La Leche League Leader and Doula
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
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You are so amazing!!! We have a surrrogate and have 8 more weeks left.. i plan on rooming in with her.. i do not bellieve icould ever treat her that way.... all though i do worry. Kerri is right it is the unknowning! you have been with the baby for 9 months and have a bond. That we as parents can only pray to have and as soon as we hold the baby it is incredable. i am truly sorry for the way they treated you. they want to go on like what you did was an every day thing like brushing your teeth... thank you you are a wonderful person.....
angie
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,176
extra helpful experienced member
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extra helpful experienced member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,176 |
Becky,
I am sooo sorry they have done you this way! I roomed in with our surrogate and my DD. After the hustle and bustle had settled after the birth and they had all left the room. I took Olivia over to our surrogate. I took a picture of that moment they met. It was beautiful. I talk with her atleast 3 times a week now. And our DD is 6 months old. The way they are acting is unexceptable. I hope you cope well. I know this can be devastating. I wish you well
Adoptive mommy to 4 , Last 2 adopted nursed. Youngest nursed till she was 5! Raising 2 grandbabies, as infants they were raised on donor breast milk 
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,347 Canada
extra helpful experienced member
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extra helpful experienced member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,347 Canada |
Dear Becky,
My heart goes out to you honey. I can't imagine what would cause them to behave this way. Shame on them. No matter what happened between you, this behaviour is beyond cruel!
As an intended mother I can tell you that it would never enter my head to treat either one of my GS's in such a shabby and disrespectful manner. Even when my first son was born 8 weeks prematurely, by c-section, I refused to allow the ambulance to leave with him before his GS saw that he was alive and ok and on his way to the NICU. Then when she was able, she came about a week later to hold him and spend time with him. My husband and I travelled with our son all the way from Montreal to California to visit with her. We call her on his birthday and now that he is old enough to talk, he thanks her himself for everything she went through to have him. We still email often and send photos. He's now 5 years old.
My second son was born in Texas and we were all present at the birth. After I had nursed him for the first time, I presented him to his GS to hold and cuddle him before he was wisked off for all those newborn testing things. On the post partum unit we roomed in together....me, the baby, our GS, and my friend who is a lactation consultant...for two days. Our GS breastfed him in the hospital during the day and I did the night feedings. Then when we were discharged, we hung out at either our rented home or at her home and passed him back and forth, each of us either breastfeeding or pumping. This went on for about 3 weeks until we had to leave to go back home and then she pumped her milk for him for another 2 months. We're in email contact and phone contact and send photos all the time. I can't wait for the day when he can phone her up like his big brother does to thank her for his life. He's currently 15 months old.
Please know that you are deeply appreciated..... That these IP's are not the norm and that they will wake up one day and realize the errors of their ways. I hope you'll have the heart to forgive them when the time comes...and it will come....it's just a matter of time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you dear.
Warmest regards,
Lenore Goldfarb, Ph.D.,CCC,IBCLC
Wife to Rob, Mom to Adam aged 13, and Ethan aged 9, both born via GS and breastfed via Regular Newman-Goldfarb Protocol.
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