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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 15
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I am feeling sooooo discouraged. I breastfed my biological child and have planned to do adoptive breastfeeding since before we even began the adoption process.
Perhaps I was naive about the support I would receive . . . my husband is very supportive, as is a local lactation consultant. In the last few weeks, as I've really started to explore the protocols and talk to my doctors, I've been shocked by the negative reactions I've gotten. Pretty much, I feel like nobody thinks it will work or understands why I would even try. Then, yesterday, we were matched. I mentioned to our social worker that I am planning on adoptive breastfeeding. I wasn't asking for permission, just giving her a heads up and asking what the options are before permanent surrender. Today, the SW called and said they had discussed the "situation" as an agency and had decided that they will "allow" me to try adoptive breastfeeding after permanent surrender (hopefully at 72 hours).
First of all, I was floored that they had even considered telling me I *couldn't* after permanent surrender! Then she said that the agency had several questions including why I wanted to do this and if I realized it might not be successful. I just couldn't believe that I had to *justify* to them why I would want to breastfeed. Does any one ask an adoptive mom to explain why she wants to formula feed? I don't think the SW or agency meant any harm by any of this and on the whole we are very pleased with them. I was just so disappointed with their response to my breastfeeding plans. I told the SW that I am feeling very frustrated and just want some support and encouragement, which she then gave me. But, this along with the response of doctors, family and friends, just has me feeling so sad and disheartened. And I feel like this is tainting my excitement about our match.
I guess I just need someone to say, "How wonderful! Congratulations and best of luck!"
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 14 UK
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Posts: 14 UK |
Wow, this all sounds familiar although my situation is different in that we are expecting via surrogacy.
I've been shocked that female friends have tried to put me off wanting to breastfeed. That's what boobs are for! And shouldn't women support each other??
My medical professionals haven't been negative exactly but as they they didn't even know it was possible to induce lactaton they weren't exactly helpful either!
I totally get why you'd want to do this and it shows a level of committment to your son/daughter that springs from the love you already for him/her - you're doing what any great mummy would do!
Go girl - we're all behind you!
Baby Palmer is coming to us via surrogacy in July!
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,785 Idaho
extra helpful experienced member
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extra helpful experienced member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,785 Idaho |
skayt Congrats on your match!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I didn't really tell a bunch of people I was going to breastfeed. I just did it. I didn't do the protocols until later but I started off with a lact-aid and as soon as my DD and I left the hospital I used it. Maybe it would have been different if I had been on the protocol I am sure I would have wanted to start nursing immediately.
Are you on the protocol and if so are you pumping? I would just try to be as confident as possible when teh subject comes up. Say that you know many women who are or have breastfed their adoptive children without supplementation. If you need to wait to breastfeed until after permanent surrender don't worry about it. You can always provide newborn Avent bottles for feeds or do finger feeding. After permanent surrender they can't dictate to you what you "try". Will you be the babies legal guardian until finalization? That is how it worked with our adoption. They won't have any say in the matter. I just wouldn't approach it with them.
Have you printed off protocols to give to your doc etc.. That is if you are following them.
Laurie~Craig's wife~Mom to 4 blessings nurtured at the breast CJ(24)Travis(21)Beka~adopted(9)Rab(6)
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 15
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Bunnykims and Lalle,
Thank you SO much. Really, just getting a little encouragement lifts my spirits tremendously. I actually just ordered the dom last week and haven't even received it yet -- I wasn't expecting a match before I even started the protocols! The baby is due in just four weeks. I guess I'll be starting the accelerated protocol when the dom arrives! I have a lact-aid all ready to go. I just printed the protocols as well as the AAP and AAFP statements in support of adoptive breastfeeding. I think I'm going to do as you suggested, Lalle, and just not tell people my plans unless necessary.
Thanks again!
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,785 Idaho
extra helpful experienced member
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extra helpful experienced member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,785 Idaho |
Come here for your support. We will be here to help you out.
WOW 4 weeks how exciting!!
Laurie~Craig's wife~Mom to 4 blessings nurtured at the breast CJ(24)Travis(21)Beka~adopted(9)Rab(6)
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 11
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Wow, your story definitely parallels what I went through when we adopted our son. Any person that I talked to never knew that a non-pregnant woman could breastfeed. Even my OBGYN never knew it was possible. I too told our social worker that I was planning on doing adoptive bfeeding. I received looks of shock, then disapproval. She made me initially feel guilty for even thinking such a thing but I stuck to my guns and was very determined to make it happen. I wanted more than anything for my son to have the very best start possible. We were told by our agency that I would have to wait until surrender (10 days) to be able to bfeed him. That was not the answer that I wanted to hear, nor was I going to accept that. I decided to muster up the courage and tell our son?s bmother my plan to nurse him. As it turned out she was very supportive of my decision to bfeed and was amazed at how much milk I was already producing. Together the both of us told the head nurse at the hospital of my plan (the nurses never heard of adoptive bfeeding). They told me that as long as I had the bmothers permission to do so (prior to surrender) that I could nurse him and that they would send a lactation consultant up right away to help me put him to the breast. 13 hours after he was born I started nursing. It was the best experience I could have asked for.
Our daughter is due in May and again I plan on bfeeding. We are not utilizing an agency this time as we are using an attorney. As the date gets closer, I plan on talking to the attorney about it. We take custody 24 hrs after birth but I would like to get her on the best prior to that. We do not have a verbal relationship with her bmother at this time so I am not able to speak with her about it. I will probably ask if there is a permission slip that can be signed by the bmother for me to do this. I still have to play that one out.
BTW?my OBGYN saw the success I had in Lenore?s protocol and now refers all of his mothers who have a low supply or are not producing or want to start back up again to the protocol. He has truly been one of my biggest supporters.
Good luck. We are all here for you!!!!
Lisa
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 15
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Posts: 15 |
Thanks Lisa! I hope that I can be as successful and strong as you were -- I'd love it if I was successful and could convince a few MDs and SWs to encourage BF in the future!
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