I have heard that you could breastfeed and pump so that your baby will actually be used to both breastfeeding and taking a bottle. That way, in a worst case scenario, the baby would be capable of accepting a bottle and the "powers that be" would be none-the-wiser. If the baby has to have bio-parent association or meetings, a bottle could be given (even with your EBM) and they would never have to really know for sure...even if they guessed... "Don't ask. Don't tell." might be a good motto for your situation. By the way, I do not really promote manipulation but I do agree with any mother's efforts to try to nurse her baby...especially in a situation that may be truly life-saving!

Hi Maggiemom,
I'm in an foster/adopt program in Canada, and I'm breastfeeding my baby. My lactation consultant advised me not to tell my SW that I would bfeed the baby. It is possible to get a consent but takes very long...
I was not very comfortable with not telling, so at first I gave the baby my milk with a bottle. He was used to it, having been bottlefed from birth. But my baby wanted to nurse! and we knew there was no risk that he would return to his bio family, so after a few months, I was breastfeeding him!
I heard, from members of this site, that the state of California promotes adoptive breastfeeding, even for foster/adopt babies.
Anyway, I think the benefits of abf are so important for those babies, you shouldn't hesitate!
Good luck with all this,
Jalx

I have a very good friend who has adopted thru the fost/adopt program in Cali and she was told by her SW in no uncertain terms that her adoption would be at risk if she were to breastfeed or give breastmilk. She really wanted to BF but ultimately decided not to risk it (fear of not putting away all the ecoutrements before a SW visit) and she had a no-risk situation - baby was surrendered to a fire station.

The big brou-ha-ha for SW's is the fear of communicable disease. I remember this from when I adopted our son. The hospital would only let me BF if I got signed permission from his birthmom with her stating outright that she was aware of the possibility of disease transmission. I opted not to ask her permission but began a successful breastfeeding relationship with our son on the day he came home (4 days old).The hospital workers, I should add, were pro-BF and were very helpful once our son was in our custody, but were tied to the legal requirements.

Myself? I would have done it anyway and been scrupulous about keeping it away from public eyes. I have no qualms whatsoever in doing something I feel is not only right but important.

I hope you had a geat outcome with all of this since this was a few months ago. I'd love to see an update if you pop back in here.

Deborah

Thanks for the info Deborah!

Things have been delayed due to a staffing shortage at the adoption agency. A new SW is supposed to start this month so that we can finally do our homestudy. We have already done everything else, all that is left is face to face stuff with the SW so I hope to be ready for placement in another month!

I'm pretty sure I'm going to go ahead and BF. I did talk to a mom who lives nearby who BF her 18 mo old fost/adopt without permission. (She knew that even if she could get approval it would be only for a baby under a year). She said she didn't even get the mandatory visits from the children's SW she was supposed to. We live in a rural area away from the city so I wouldn't be surprised if visits from SW are very limited as they will have to drive almost 2 hours to get here.

I am such a rule follower it is hard to consider "breaking a rule" but I feel this is so important, especially considering the strong chance that any baby we get will be drug exposed.

I'll keep you posted!

Hi Maggie,

Just a quick reply, since we are also in Cali and adopting through the fost/adopt system, most likely. Actually our agency does both newborn relinquishment and fost/adopt placements, so we could get either, but I'm strongly hoping and praying for a newborn or under 3-mos either way, and am prepared for a drug-exposed baby as well.
I've pretty much decided that I will try to bf, but also make sure the baby can take a bottle in case of visits. I'm pretty comfortable with the don't-ask-don't-tell policy on this one, although my husband is a bit more of a by-the-book guy, but i think he'll let me handle this one. I have no idea what our SW would say, but don't really want to chance it.

Where are you, by the way?
We're in Redwood City, using Kinship Center, which is based in Salinas, and does a lot of adoptions from Santa Clara county.

Good luck, and keep us posted on your progress!

Rita
First-time mama to be
Getting ready to start the protocol!

Rita,

It sounds like we are in very similar situations! We are with Lilliput out of Stockton. We are just trying to finish up our homestudy to be ready for placement. It is exciting to talk to someone is such a similar situation, here in California!

Keep me posted on your progress and I'll do the same!

I am a foster and adoptive mom in California. I have both breast and bottle fed babies. My policy is that I don't lie, but I don't offer unsolicited information either. I know of another BF foster mom in our county that had her baby taken away when she made a public show of nursing in front of the bio mom. (not a good plan, by the way) She was an "approved" breastfeeding foster mom, but she has not been offered another placement since the incident.

In all honesty, the workers come out so rarely and stay for such a short time that they really have no idea. When I have had breastfeeding babies, I just sent bottles along with to the bio parent visits. Bottles are pretty easy for baby to suck down, so they didn't complain.