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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 76
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 76 |
Hi Everyone,
Much to our dismay this situation did not work out. I guess I was prepared for it, their were alot of things that needed to be worked out. After the potential bm had some questions answered she decided to look elsewhere. She was looking for things that my agency just could not provide, nor could we because of finances or the laws in our state. So today I have been depressed and not very motivated. We talked today on the phone and she seemed so quick to move on and find exactly what she is looking for. And I thought that we had made a connection?
My ear is still full of fluid so I decided to take the Allegra D. Maybe it will help to dry my milk up. This is the second situation that we heard of this month that did not work out. I physically and emotionally just cannot pump anymore. I do not have it in me. Between being so sick this week and in late December I just cannot do it anymore. I was willing to try again for the sake of this situation but now there is no maybe baby on the horizon.
I have pumped for over 9 months and I succeded at it. I have a freezer full of milk that I will use if and when a baby comes. I will start to prepare for nursing when we know of a baby and things are looking pretty solid. For my own sanity I have prepare myself that it could be a long time until a baby comes. We may even be one of those families who does not get a baby. Just because I want it to happen it does not mean that it will.
So I need to try to be happy and content with what I have. I am so blessed to have my son and I am so thankful for his birthmother and the selfless sacrifice that she made. I only wish that I would have nursed him. He may be the one and only baby that I have had. Adoption can seem so hopeless at times. So many couples and so few babies. What makes me better than any other couple out there wanting a baby.
I hope that my milk is dried up soon. I feel like I am giving up on a baby and also my milk supply. I so wanted to nurse my baby with my milk. My boobs are already smaller so I think that soon my milk will be gone. I may do the accelerated protocol when we know for sure of a baby.
I am not trying to depress any of you these are just my feelings. I am glad that things are working out for many of you. I will still visit here from time to time to see how all of you are doing. For now though I need to take a vacation from adoption and try, try to focus on other things. I just do not have it in me to think about the adoption and the baby as much as I have been.
Best of luck to you all,
Bella
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 135 Idaho
experienced member
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experienced member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 135 Idaho |
Mary in Idaho, mom to 7, including 2 from Korea, and Emily Zion (1�) coming home from Ethiopia in February!
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 19
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 19 |
Hi Bella,
I'm so sorry, have yourself a good and long cry, you deserve one.
I also have to ask if you have considered traditional surrogacy, with a relative or close friend. If you have somone close to you willing to do this for you it can be very reasonably priced. Many couples working with a traditional surrogate do home insems, and I guess there is lots of info on the web on how to do a home insem. If the TS were a stay at home mom, you wouldn't have to worry about lost wages, and if she were a really good friend, sister, cousin, or such she may not want any compensation, so it would just be misc items like babysitting for her own kids while she is at doctors visits, maybe some preg. clothes, and of course the lawyers. The med tests the TS and your dh would need to take (HIV, ect) should be covered under each persons insurance. Hopefully the TS's insurance would cover the pregnancy, if not add about 3,500 for insurance and hospital deductable. It's something to think about.
hugs, Jean
A traditional surrogate is a women who carries a baby that is genetically hers, but she has agreed to give this child to the intended parents. Generally the Intended father is the sperm donor. If this arrangement can be made, it can be very bennifical to all parties, because from the pregnancy is always intended, and the parents (Bella and her husband) are always intended. There is not as much "loss" in this arrangement. There are also lots of cons, which I'm sure you've all read about in the papers.
1 week ~ 10ml
2 weeks ~20ml
3 weeks ~ 30ml
4 weeks ~ 45ml
5 weeks - back to ~30ml after 2 days w/o serious pumping
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 76
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 76 |
Thanks Mary and Jean,
For now I really need to concentrate on getting better this is my second week of being sick and it is really making me tired. Once I am feeling better I need to take a little vacation from adoption for a while.
Due to religious and other reasons I am not comfortable doing the surragate route. I can get pregnant but my hubby's sperm is virtually non exsistant. So to do the surragate route when I can get pregnant seems silly. I am not comfortable doing sperm donation either. Our chances are not very good for ICSI either due to my husband's problem. So this leaves us with adoption.
Adoption is fine with us because I have always dreamed of adopting kids. What I really want is a rainbow family. Children of all different races and colors. Mary I mentioned Ethiopia to my husband and he said,"why not South Africa. He has been saying that for about a year now. So do any of you know if there are any agencies that specilize in South Africa? Our church is rapidly growing in SA so Todd thinks this would be cool to pursue. We are open to boys Mary in fact I have had feelings that our baby would be a boy and be either biracial or african american. I think we want to give our agency a little more time and then if nothing has happened look into other agencies. We also want to build on our adoption nest egg so looking into other agencies would be an option for us. Our agencies prices are so cheap so we would need a bit more to pursue other agencies.
These are my thougts as of now. Right now I really want to take a break from thinking about adoption so much. I really need to take the time and devote myself to my family and myself. I still want the adoption to happen but if it is a little while then that's okay too. I feel like the Lord will bless me for redevoting myself to him and to my family. My son is here and he needs me and I want to invest more of my thoughts and energies into him. My son deserves that. My time and attention before our baby does come.
Thanks for thinking of me and for your suggestions.
Bless you both,
Bella
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,785 Idaho
extra helpful experienced member
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extra helpful experienced member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,785 Idaho |
Bella, just want you to know I will keep you in my prayers. Your baby will come to you when the time is right and I think you are being very wise. I hope you feel better soon.
Laurie~Craig's wife~Mom to 4 blessings nurtured at the breast CJ(24)Travis(21)Beka~adopted(9)Rab(6)
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Hi Bella,
I am sorry things did not work out...take a break from pumping and all adoption related things...then ,,when you have renewed energy,,there are many possibilities open to you..don't give up. Domestic did not work out for us either,,so after 2 years, we went international...,as you know we are still waiting for our daughter to come home...it has been hard...I am moving to Guatemala the beginning of March...to wait it out,.,she just turned seven months and we just got back from our third visit.
There are many opportunities for international adoption,,and if you don't have all the money up front,,try a home equity line, and don't forget about the tax credit...
Take a break, feel free to call me or e-mail me if you want to talk...by the way,,I am starting to pump again with domperidone,,Ana has horrendous diarrhea and has had her formula switched again..soy this time,,,she really needs breast milk! Take care, Cathy
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