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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 91
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OP
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 91 |
Hi All,
My beef today is husbands! Mine is a wonderful person and lovely and senstivie ( to a point) and all that jazz....but he lets me do all the work with supporting the BM emotionally....he doesn't even talk to her anymore....she calls daily and I always answer and I always talk to her. She is a bit of a hnadful....makes poor choices, etc. and now my hubby just doe4sn't even make any effort.
I am an emotional basketcase on the protocol....just started taking St. John's wort....sex is not happening....stress is happening...lots of it. We even talked about how we are worried to bring a baby into a house where we are not getting along very well. We lvoe each other....but I am resentful that I care so much about this and he never brings it up....I knwo he is scared about money and everything else....but., God, this is a hard time.
My friend who adopted three times said she had similiar issues with her hubby....anybody else?
Thanks,
Eden
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 272
extra helpful experienced member
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extra helpful experienced member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 272 |
I think it's a man thing.
I happened to meet our dd's BM on the internet, and I am the one to got to know her. Basically, all dh did is worry about how to pay for the plane tickets to fly down to get our dd. And yes, I am the one who called in to make the travel plans, too!
My dh didn't even want to consider adoption in the beginning. I was crushed, because there is no way I am going through life without children. That's not even a possibility! I finally dragged him to an orientation meeting at an adoption agency. For some reason, this turned him around, and suddenly, he was on board. So I made set up the homestudy appts, I made our adoption portfolio, etc. All he did was show up when I told him. Now we are on to #2, and it's more of the same. I have met two pBMs online, and I have been doing all of the talking.
You are not alone. Our dd's BM didn't have any issues, and I know the woman you are matched with has tons. I am so sorry that you are not getting the support you need to support her.
You know, I recommended to someone else here to go to FertileThoughts.com. They have adoption bulletin boards, and I go there all the time. I have been going to FT since 1994, and they are wonderful. It might help if you had some online support. We get it here, but there are a lot more people there, in all stages of the adoption process. They are a wealth of information. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have found my way here!
I hope things get easier, and let the countdown to the birth begin!
Hugs, DawnL in WA
wife to Jim, mommy to Daphne and Jeran and Jalen
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,176
extra helpful experienced member
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extra helpful experienced member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,176 |
Dawn,
Do you mind my asking... how do you meet BM online?
Adoptive mommy to 4 , Last 2 adopted nursed. Youngest nursed till she was 5! Raising 2 grandbabies, as infants they were raised on donor breast milk 
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,347 Canada
extra helpful experienced member
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extra helpful experienced member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,347 Canada |
Hey Eden,
Welcome to the club!! The agency actually complained and almost didn't take us back because my DH is a little too laid back about all this. He's much more involved this time around. But really it's a gal thing. We tend to be more open and bond together. The guys aren't into this like we are.
As for the low libido, like I said, welcome to the club. I've been on the regular protocol now for about 3 months and if you lined up the most georgeous hunk in the world naked in front of me I could care less. But that's all part of the package. We're in chemical pregnancy. So we're going to respond like pregnant women. Personally, the first few weeks I turned into the DEVIL WOMAN. My husband wanted to know who I was and what I had done with his REAL WIFE. The best advice I can give you, and I hope I'm not being too personal, is to break out the wine, get some K-Y to help with vaginal dryness and do it for him even if you don't feel a thing. And did you see the movie "When Harry Met Sally"? Time to put those acting lessons you had as a kid to good use. LOL.
I did the St. John's wort, 1000mg just before bed, helped me get to sleep and that helped my disposition. Now, 3 months into this, I'm more even emotionally but still have short patience. Like I said, it's all part of it so if you can laugh about it, it helps. My husband's been through it once before so he orders food in, takes our son out to the park, gives me plenty of space. And I keep track in my agenda to make sure he doesn't go too long without "you know what".
Hope this helps. Fondly,
Lenore Goldfarb, Ph.D.,CCC,IBCLC
Wife to Rob, Mom to Adam aged 13, and Ethan aged 9, both born via GS and breastfed via Regular Newman-Goldfarb Protocol.
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 91
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OP
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 91 |
HAHAHA!!!
Lenore, you crack me up! Yes, it is important to massage the old male ego...don't ya just feel like you are parenting everyone sometimes!?!
Thanks!
Eden
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Hello,
I have had to do all the adoption paperwork, apt's, getting the seal's put on etc..for my son's adoption and now for this one. He did get one thing notarized for me with this adoption but other than that I feel I am on my own. I was in a bad mood alot the seven months on the protocol. I had the opposite response though,,,I wanted sex all the time! And I had ton's of natural lubrication thanks to the estrogen. Problem is my hubby does not reciprocate. Now on the domperidone and pumping, I want it alot too and again, no response. So I basically learn to live without it. My husband has never had much in the way of a sex drive.
I feel at times like I have lot's of kids in my house,,,my son, my husband and my 2 dogs and cat...all need so much from me. That's just how life is I guess. I think I get a little angry when I work 2x as many hours a week as him, plus commute one hour each way, and do the 12 hour nights PLUS work overtime to earn money for the adoption and I can't even get him to help with the paperwork. IT does get frustrating.
Just hang in there, take one day at a time. Thanks, Cathy
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