Eden,
Regarding this topic my husband and I have come to the conclusion that we will not tell our baby's birthmother. If by some twist of fate she would mention it then maybe we would tell. We came to this decision based on several factors. Our agency handles adoption that are semi open so we will write letters through the agency, phone call if the birthmother requests that, meet for a face to face if distance allows. Sometimes the face to face is at the time of placement. Also we can share information that is not identifying about each other. If our first meeting is tied into picking up our baby at the same time then many emotions are going to be involved.

I know this because the first time we met our son's birthmother was when we were picking up our son. Our son's birthmother endured labor then needed an emergency c-section. Even days after the surgery this women still had much recovery time in front of her. First we met the birthmother and her family and you know what it was like we knew her forever. Her was this young women whom had been through so much to bring this baby into the world and we just wanted to protect and cherish her. This wonderful girl wanted her family there so they could feel of our joy. When we met we hugged and cried and I thought to myself I need to be strong for her. My emotions were right on my sleeve. After we met we went and picked up our son, what an incredicle expereince! One of the hardest things I had to do was walk in a room holding our new son knowing that there was a remarkable women going home empty handed that day. While our son was in my arms this girl pulled me close and put her arm around me and kissed her baby and my baby on the forhead. Tears came to my eyes and I knew that I needed to support the decison that our birthmother made. Our birthmother gave me the thing I desired most a child and I knew that while she knew she was doing the right thing for her child it was not easy.

For me I know that our birthmother will think about all the things that she will not do with her baby. I think that it may even cross her mind that she will not get to nurse her baby. I just want our birthmother to know that her baby is well loved, happy, secure & safe.

I came to this conclusion because of the birthmothers that I have known in my life, my sons birthmother and the ones that I have counsled with as a volunteer for our adoption agency. Believe me when I say that they only wants what 's best for their child and that what they do they do out of love. There's a commercial about adoption that says I am not giving my baby up I am giving them more. From the adoptive parents to the birthparents and the birth family their are so many emotions involved.

This is just my two cents. Hope it helped someone.

Thanks,
Bella