Hi,
I am in my late 30's and my husband early 40's...we still waitied for two years in the USA and the only "match' was a birthmom with hepatitis and a fee of 28 thousand dollars...we did the whole foster parent training thing etc...and were willing to go up to age SEVEN for a boy! We tried all fifty states and could not find a child anywhere. So, we decided to go international again,,even though we had an absolutely horrible time with our son's adoption in Peru in 1991.
We are expecting this adoption to go way over our original 30 thousand dollar mark,,,,I know what you are saying, my son's fee's were 30 thousand and I had to go back to work full time , I had 19 thousand on credit cards when we got him hoime, we had enough cash saved, but then an 8 week adoption turned into almost 7 months, and one parent was required to stay down there the whole entire time..so that added up.
It looks like our Guatemalan journey will be much of the same as Peru. We missed the cutoff by ONE day for cases to be processed the "old" way in 4 months,,,the "new" way after signing the Hague Treaty is expected for adoptions to now take at least one year. So, we will fly back and forth at 700-1400 each plane ticket and in between I will continue to work my 72 hours a week.
I know of alot of adopting couples who take out second mortgages, who sell thier homes and move into an apartment, who get second jobs etc . we have been saving for 10 years for this, have no living room furniture and the rest of our stuff is chipped and peeling hand me downs. We only eat out about 1x a month, same for a movie. We get our clothes at thrift stores and Goodwill.
I just wanted to let you know that even couples in their 30's have problems with domestic adoption. If there is any way you could try guatemala, under the new system it may actuallyeventually be easier than what we are going through, they go up to age 55 for even a newborn!
Keep your chin up..great milk production by the way!
Take care,
Cathy

Rosie,
I just wanted to say that I hear you. There are times that I too get very depressed. I think at times all the reasons why a bm would not pick us. The biggest thing I worry about is my hubby and I both just high school graduates. I often wonder if we will wait a long time becasue we do not have degrees. I think to that we may not look like the perfect family. By hubby and I are both slightly overweight.

In our favor though we have an adorable almost 3 year old boy that we adopted in 2000. We waited about a year for him once we were approved. To our son's bm we were the perfect family. She actually was not pleased with all the really young thin looking families. Her family background is heavyweight so she wanted to place her baby with a family that he would fit in with in case he was bigger when he got older. The very thing I was most worried about was the very thing that helped our son's bm to pick us.

So you just never know why birth parents will pick you. Your age may actaully work to your favor. Remember not just young girls place but older women too. Our son's bm was 23. I was expecting a teenager and we got a more mature emotionally stable bm.

I hear you about wanting to be a stay at home mom. Even though we are in debt I stay home with our son. This I would not trade for all the money in the world. Our time together is precious.

Have you thought about getting your adoption profile on the internet. I would reccomend doing this if you are open to it. There is a site where couples can register with called Hope to Adopt, the address is www.hopetoadopt.com. There fees are low and very resonable. As of this point we are not on the internet but perhaps in a few months we will be. Many couples are finding babies this way.

These last few weeks for some reason I have been very happy. I think because in a way my perspective has changed a little. I still think about my baby and I still want my baby to come but I am really trying to be content with what I have. Counting my blessings has helped so much. Before our son came I to got to this point, and you know what not to long after this we recieved the long awaited phone call. Another thing that has helped me is looking forward to the things that are happening in my life. Like what's coming up each week, month, etc. This gives me things to look forward to.

Praying to my Heavenly Father has been the most help. Here is someone who truely understands and knows my pain. Once while pondering on getting our baby a phrase popped in to my head that I remember each day and try to do. The phrase was, "Ask in faith and you shall recieve little one". This has been tremdous comfort to me. I feel that if I but ask in faith and believing that it will happen that in deed it will happen my baby will come.

I hope that this will give you some comfort. We too cannot afford to go interantionally or through agencies that are out of our budget. But that's okay because I think that we just need to be patient and that our baby will come through the agency that we are using. Our babies end up right where they are supposed to will a little help from up above.

Take Care,
Bella