Ask Lenore message boards

Hello,

God willing, we are going to adopt a newborn from my husband's extended family in the Philippines soon.

We were approached by DH's eldest sister, who functions as the head of the clan, sort of, around christmas about the pregnancy and pretty much immediately said we were ready to adopt the baby on the way.

The thing is, the birthmother has no clue when her last period was and had absolutely no prenatal care in the first months of the pregnancy.

She is also mortally afraid of doctors, clinics and getting her to agree to go and have an ultrasound was a major problem.

It was finally done in early Feb. and the ob-gyn believes she was in week 20 then and expects the baby to be born in the first week of June.

She has not been back to the ob-gyn but has an experienced midwife visiting her frequently so hopefully the situation is under control.

She has given birth to two healthy babies within the last 2.5 years, without medical intervention of any sort and probably does not understand what kind of fuss this foreigner here is making.

On the other hand, it is unfortunately not unlikely that there was at least some drug use in early pregnancy (shabu, a form of methamphetamine common in the Philippines) - though by all accounts we have not since she knew she was pg. She does not smoke or drink, and as the family runs a small restaurant she has abundant food available and seems to be eating well.

I am trying (and mostly managing) not to stress about things I can do nothing about and the purpose of this post is certainly not to criticise or judge this young woman in any way - she has made a very courageous and tough decision and we are indebted to her.

My question is basically how accurate is a due date derived by ultrasound only? For instance, if the foetus was smaller than it should have been at the time the ultrasound was done, would a doctor know that or simply assume she was earlier in her pregnancy than she in fact was?

Any help very much appreciated.

DH is on the way to Manila now to go through the preparations and hopefully we will have another ultrasound soon.

Love,
Chris

Hi Chris,

CONGRATULATIONS on your impending arrival!!

Well of course as you know, medical care in the Phillippines is not the same as medical care in the west. But depending on the skill of the ultrasound technician....at 20 weeks you're measuring the femur (leg) and the humerus (arm) which gives a pretty good idea date-wise.

Then there is the issue of how long after the birth can the baby travel. Most airlines will not allow an infant to fly before they are 2 weeks old. Some babies have flown earlier if they had a written medical clearance from the baby's doctor. But we're talking about a very long flight here, in a pressuized aircraft. You're best off to wait the two weeks.

Anyway, as far as the protocol is concerned, I'd plan on pumping at least 6 weeks before the due date.

Are you planning to go to the phillipines too?

Fondly,

Hello Lenore,

Thank you!

Yes, I will be going to the Philippines as well and if it's ok with the birthfamily I will be present when our child is born. So excited....

I'm planning to travel about a month before the due date and basically just waiting for the second ultrasound before finalising travel arrangements.

We will definitely not fly with our baby before two weeks, aside from the medical issue there is paperwork to sort out which will probably take 2-3 weeks. We are planning on travelling after a month, but if for whatever reason we need to stay longer that is not a problem. It's not the typical overseas adoption situation where the a-parents are strangers in a hotel room who want to get back home as quickly as possible, we are more or less on home turf there and have a support network in place.

Depending on what sort of relationship I manage to develop with the birthmother, perhaps I will ask her to pump colostrum - that would be brilliant of course, but I will need to handle this sensitively and not push the issue.

Love,
Chris