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#9201 07/09/07 10:22 PM
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Hello i've been reading these boards for a long time and I have posted a few times.
To give you a little history, we were contacted by a Birthmother on April 12, she responde to an ad that we had up. We ar in Ga and she is in Tx and so we formed a relationship and she chose us for her baby and so things were going well and she's not you average B-mom she's 35 awith 3 older kids and she knows she can't parent this child, well 3 weeks ago she told us that she had gotten behind on her car payments and it was going to be repossessed and she was also behind on he electric bill, well we decided to help her with her car because that was the only means of transportion to work, andthen she called and they turned of her electric a week later so we got it turned back on because she has kids, now we are doing an independent adoption with a lawyer and the state of Texas you cannot pay a b-mom expenses except medical, legal, and counseling, well this past weekend she told us that she was behind on her cable which is also her home phone and internet,and her cell phone which she said her 17yr ran up by text messaging, well we told her we could not help her because her co-pay at the doctors office was due and the lawyer fees were due and we our going on vacation all this month, well I received an email saying that she had a long conversation with her mother and bestfriend and they helpher realize that she is behind on her bills because she can't work as much as she needs to because she's pregnant and is we can't hlep her with her bills than she's concern about us being able to take care of her daughter. She usually goes to her mother for help but her mother is not helping her because she doesn't agree with her doing adoption and her mother says if she needs help than we should help her her and that's it. Now she's not answering my phone calls and we are very nervous, what do you think we should do?


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Rochelle what has your lawyer said? It sounds like she is asking you to help with expenses that are not allowed under the law. I would speak to the lawyer ASAP I would also want to know what is she responsible to pay back if the adoption falls through. You may have already stepped over the line with what you have helped her with. I wouldn't do a thing until you speak with your lawyer and tell them what is going on.


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Lalle #9203 07/09/07 11:46 PM
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Laurie we consulted our lawyer before we did anything and she told us then that she didn't get into the financial but she told us to draw up an agreement for anything involving money with her that way its in writing and signed by all parties and we did that and our b-mom had no problem sighning it but it seems now that it someting needed all the time, don't get me wrong I would love to help her but I have my own expenses as well and it seems she doesn't understand that.


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Rochelle our lawyer told us what we were and were not allowed to pay as far as the b-mom expenses. I think your lawyer should know what you have paid for and what she is asking you to pay for. From what our lawyer told us it is illegal and can compromise the legality of your adoption to pay for things outside of what the law states is acceptable. Is your lawyer an adoption atty?


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Lalle #9205 07/10/07 12:21 AM
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Yes she is I have another call into her now and I will see what she says, right now i'm just a basket case wandering whats going to happen.


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Keep us posted. ((hugs))


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Lalle #9211 07/10/07 02:16 AM
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Hon I am so sorry. I would be leary of her doing what she is. She might milk you dry and keep the baby. I have been through that one before. I pray she still gives you the baby


Adoptive mommy to 4 , Last 2 adopted nursed. Youngest nursed till she was 5! Raising 2 grandbabies, as infants they were raised on donor breast milk smile
Nona #9217 07/10/07 02:36 PM
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That's what we are afraid of, we're just going to do what ever the lawyer says and wait and see, she's not answering calls but she sent a email saying she was really stressed out and she didn't want to deal with it because everything was getting shut off and no one was willing to help her, but we did help her but at some point we have to stop.


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Well if you agree to pay her electric I would not send the money to her but to the electric company. I think you are smart to wait and hear what the lawyer says.


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Lalle #9219 07/10/07 04:25 PM
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Everything we've done for her we have paid directly to the vendor so I guess that's why we didn't think anything because we verified everything before we did it but now it just seems like everything is behind or going to get shut off, please don't get us wrong we don't mind helping her or anyone else for that fact but it's hard when it comes up all of a sudden all at the same time.


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I totally understand Rochelle. Try to remember that she is hormonal as well so will get upset maybe more over small things that she wouldn't if she wasn't pregnant. I am sure she realizes you have helped her a lot.


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Well here's an update we were receiving an email a day and now nothing, her phone is still on and I left her a message but she's not returning phone calls or emails now so we have no communication now so we are just going to wait and see that's all we can do.


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I would make a trip to where she is. Knock on her door and talk to her face to face. Find out what is going on. You will definetly get a better feel for things if you do that.


Adoptive mommy to 4 , Last 2 adopted nursed. Youngest nursed till she was 5! Raising 2 grandbabies, as infants they were raised on donor breast milk smile
Nona #9274 07/15/07 06:20 PM
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Thast's what I was thinking of doing, I did receive an email from her today, it seemed to be very sincere and it gave us some idea about what's going on but I think a visit is in order.


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Rochelle I hope everything works out. At least you heard from her and can proceed from here.


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Lalle #9285 07/16/07 02:18 PM
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Thanks everyone for there advise and support I could not have made it through this without you very sweet, loving, caring moms. I will be going to see her this Friday and she's just really having a hard time, she finally opened up to me about everything and it seems she's dealing with her mom who doesn't agree with the adoption and she will not help her anymore, her mother was the one who she would call for financial help when she needed it. So, because we care about her and her children we are going to see what we can do to make it just a little bit easier for her because she is so stressed out and she's scared she will deliver early and hurt the baby because of all the stress. We know we are taking a chance but if it were a stranger and we could help we would, God will continue to bless us either way. We prayed about it and this is the answer he gave us. Thanks again to everyone for just being there for me.


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Good luck to you!! Keep us updated. smile

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have you thought about bringing her and her kids to your place for a break? Our second adoption the BM lived with us for the last 3 months. I DO NOT recommend that. But a few weeks away with you might help her.


Adoptive mommy to 4 , Last 2 adopted nursed. Youngest nursed till she was 5! Raising 2 grandbabies, as infants they were raised on donor breast milk smile
Nona #9306 07/17/07 02:45 PM
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I spoke with her about that and right now she's still working and her teenager works so she really can't leave.


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I can understand your being upset at possibly losing the baby. May I suggest you consider a longer view?

We are going through an adoption agency. We hope for an open adoption because we feel it will be best for OUR baby. My spiritual side says there is a reason why we need someone to make OUR baby for us. As a mom, my most important job is to protect MY child.

We've told the adoption agency we want a birth mom that does not bring drama and crisis into our life. We will (hopefully) have contact with the birth family for the rest of our lives. I don't want someone to tornado into my life, upset OUR baby, and leave again with the child just a little more injured by the action.

If this mom does not give you this baby, maybe it's because the baby that is meant for you is somewhere else. I feel for this child. No matter what the mom does, she is going to use that baby as a pawn forever. Is it possible you are not the only adoptive family she has "chosen?" Maybe there are other parents she's trying to milk for money as well.

The best thing you can do for this child (and yours if this isn't your child) is bring a sense of peace and calm into its world. The birth mom will do what she will do. There are some unhappy people in the world and it appears you've found one of them. I hope she finds some peace.

I hope my message helps you find a path to some peace in this difficult time.

Second #9824 09/13/07 06:39 PM
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Just want to add that my above post was written after I read through the bottom of page 1, I did not see all the updates on page 2, so I don't know if my comments still apply. I do think trying to bring peace to this situation is the best you can do for that baby. It is swimming in a pool of the bm's stress, send it peaceful vibes from you.

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